lately i've been thinking a lot about...
... lent and what that looks like. i haven't decided to give up something this year, and i'm clearly running late now, but i've been thinking about it a lot. i don't think giving up chocolate or coffee will make me a better christian. it's not even about that. lent is a time to think about and prepare for easter, to remember what God did when he gave up his son as a sacrifice for our sins, right? so how can i live that out during this time? we are to offer ourselves as living sacrifices, so how do i do that? anything i could offer would be nothing in comparison to what God has done for me, so where do i even begin? i think it has to be about my heart and how i spend my time. am i living each moment for God's glory? am i giving him praise for each moment that he has blessed me with? am i giving up my time and my money to help others? if someone saw my life from the outside would they even know that i'm a christian, or am i just another nice person pursuing the american dream?
... the glory of god compared to me. my small group has started a study on Crazy Love. have you read it? it's pretty interesting so far. not necessarily new information, but often forgotten information. the first chapter is about God's immense glory and how we approach him. we often forget about how truly holy god is and approach him like he's our buddy. i think there is a place for this natural relationship with god, but really, God IS so holy that it is ONLY through christ's sacrifice that we can approach him. the old testament has multiple stories of people who got too close to God and died. isaiah lived and his response was, "woe is me." solomen said to "let your words be few" when you approach God. instead of approaching God like he's a genie and just listing off what i'd like, i need to remember who i'm approaching, how holy and separate he is from me, how it is only through christ that i can approach him. the beginning of the lord's prayer says it all. it starts off by saying that God is separate from me (in heaven), and his name is holy. then it doesn't say ask god for what you want, but instead, that God's will would be done.
ok, i've been thinking about a lot more than that, but i'm tired and i have to work at 5am!
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
mandala workshop
i'm a little late in posting this, but better late than never!
last saturday i attended an art therapy/mandala workshop here in greensboro. i was originally scheduled to work when i heard about the workshop, but i decided to jump on the chance to attend something art therapy related in greensboro. when i arrived i realized most everyone was over 60. many were there just to nourish their inner artist, but there were some more middle aged professionals. of course i ended up at a table with two of the oldest people there - no networking for me, i thought! well, the workshop presenter turned out to be adorable and very knowledgable. she is a jungian-oriented art therapist who has extensively studied and practiced mandalas. you can explore her website here. during the first part of the workshop we had time to create and interpret our own mandalas. here's mine:
Joshua 1:9
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
Romans 12:12
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
last saturday i attended an art therapy/mandala workshop here in greensboro. i was originally scheduled to work when i heard about the workshop, but i decided to jump on the chance to attend something art therapy related in greensboro. when i arrived i realized most everyone was over 60. many were there just to nourish their inner artist, but there were some more middle aged professionals. of course i ended up at a table with two of the oldest people there - no networking for me, i thought! well, the workshop presenter turned out to be adorable and very knowledgable. she is a jungian-oriented art therapist who has extensively studied and practiced mandalas. you can explore her website here. during the first part of the workshop we had time to create and interpret our own mandalas. here's mine:
of course most everything on my mind that day was job hunting, and i was hoping to get some guidance from the experience. in my mandala i saw that my journey was being supported and literally held in God's hands. i already knew this, but the visual representation was reassuring and comforting. a lady at my table said when she saw mine she immediately thought "wind that will take me wherever i want to go!" how nice! of course you may see something totally different, but that's the joy of art!
in the second part of the workshop we did a much more complicated (and wordy) mandala exploring an area of conflict or concern, in which you identified what you thought, felt, sensed, and intuitively knew about the topic, and then made several interpretations from there. i won't go into all the details, but i did gain a lot of insight into my stressed state about job hunting. i intuitively know that i am called to be an art therapist and i WILL find a job. but my thoughts/inner dialogue has been primarily discouraging, not hopeful. i think i've been putting too much emphasis on what i've been sensing (in this case hearing): hearing from discouraged classmates about looking for a job for a long time, hearing about a bad economy, hearing about needing a license, etc. yes, maybe these things are true, but they haven't actually been my experience. i've only been a graduate for a few weeks! so why am i discouraged!? things take time, and finding the right job will be no different. i need to trust what i intuitively know instead of what i've been doing, which is freaking out, of course. my challenge is to keep working hard at job hunting and not give up or let the discouragement (coming from my own head or elsewhere) paralyze my efforts!
in addition to all of this, i was able to network with some professional art therapists in the area too! yippee! at the end of the day, i was so glad i attended this workshop.
Joshua 1:9
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
Romans 12:12
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
keeping it real
i'm feeling inspired to keep things real around here, because i hate when everything gets sugar-coated and pleasantries are exchanged and the real meat of life is ignored. this is my blog and this i how i feel. rational or not. i feel like things are difficult lately. i'm feeling like i'm going through a hard time. i'm frustrated. so here i go:
-my church is ending. the church where we found community in greensboro will have its last service on sunday. i know it's for the best. i know it needs to happen. i know god is growing and changing our community through this. but it's hard. i don't like change.
-i miss my sister like crazy. she is far away and i (selfishly) don't like it. i want her here. i want to be able to call her and talk to her. skype is good but still different. and with a big time change it's very hard.
-i want to be planning a trip to europe right now to go see krystal and brad. like really bad. but this seems impossible right now because of finances. not that going to europe when it's not financially smart is a good thing, but i almost feel like if we don't go now we never will, or it will be much, much harder.
-i want to be buying a house too. or at least just getting out of our apartment. i'm tired of it. i'm tired of always hearing footsteps above my head and hearing a drinking/smoking fest right outside my window when i'm trying to go to sleep. but again... money.
-i'm tired of working at starbucks. i want a therapy job but i don't have a license. i'm frustrated and i've hardly looked because i'm so overwhelmed and (probably prematurely) discouraged. a job i really wanted and applied for never called me. i feel perfect for it. i also feel guilty complaining about not having a job when i'm not doing much to change my circumstances. i find starbucks to be exhausting and i feel like i'm never caught up on sleep. so in the afternoons i want to nap and watch HGTV. and then i feel lame and beat myself up for it.
on the bright side my pants are loose and i'm taking better care of myself. josh and i are going to mexico in just over a month (more about that in another post). i know god is teaching me and working in me during this time. i think part of my complaints are directly related to the fact that i'm feeling impatient. god has everything i'm stressed about figured out, and it's going to happen in HIS timing, not mine.
this is random, but friday i spent over $700 getting an oil change and new tires for my never-ending-money-pit-of-a-car. i was irritated, it's one thing after another. but the car is paid off and the mileage is high so we are stuck with it for now. but anyway, josh's uber-generous grandma had given us $500 for christmas, which we did plan to use for tires. and then yesterday i got a $200 reimbursement check in the mail for art supplies i had purchased during my internship, which i had completely forgotten about. i love it that god is in all things.
-my church is ending. the church where we found community in greensboro will have its last service on sunday. i know it's for the best. i know it needs to happen. i know god is growing and changing our community through this. but it's hard. i don't like change.
-i miss my sister like crazy. she is far away and i (selfishly) don't like it. i want her here. i want to be able to call her and talk to her. skype is good but still different. and with a big time change it's very hard.
-i want to be planning a trip to europe right now to go see krystal and brad. like really bad. but this seems impossible right now because of finances. not that going to europe when it's not financially smart is a good thing, but i almost feel like if we don't go now we never will, or it will be much, much harder.
-i want to be buying a house too. or at least just getting out of our apartment. i'm tired of it. i'm tired of always hearing footsteps above my head and hearing a drinking/smoking fest right outside my window when i'm trying to go to sleep. but again... money.
-i'm tired of working at starbucks. i want a therapy job but i don't have a license. i'm frustrated and i've hardly looked because i'm so overwhelmed and (probably prematurely) discouraged. a job i really wanted and applied for never called me. i feel perfect for it. i also feel guilty complaining about not having a job when i'm not doing much to change my circumstances. i find starbucks to be exhausting and i feel like i'm never caught up on sleep. so in the afternoons i want to nap and watch HGTV. and then i feel lame and beat myself up for it.
on the bright side my pants are loose and i'm taking better care of myself. josh and i are going to mexico in just over a month (more about that in another post). i know god is teaching me and working in me during this time. i think part of my complaints are directly related to the fact that i'm feeling impatient. god has everything i'm stressed about figured out, and it's going to happen in HIS timing, not mine.
this is random, but friday i spent over $700 getting an oil change and new tires for my never-ending-money-pit-of-a-car. i was irritated, it's one thing after another. but the car is paid off and the mileage is high so we are stuck with it for now. but anyway, josh's uber-generous grandma had given us $500 for christmas, which we did plan to use for tires. and then yesterday i got a $200 reimbursement check in the mail for art supplies i had purchased during my internship, which i had completely forgotten about. i love it that god is in all things.
Monday, February 6, 2012
super bowl recap
well, the party turned out to be a delight. i was so exhausted by the time it actually started that i was just excited to be able to sit and relax a little. too much cleaning and cooking. i really like to host, but man it's a lot of work. the food was yummy and i think everyone had a nice time. i should have taken more pictures. i did take this one of josh before it started:
he was holding up the foam finger and a mini football he got at his most recent work meeting. he's clearly excited. no, our cable box isn't normally on a T.V. tray in front of the fire place. josh went to great lengths moving around the furniture to maximize seating and T.V. viewing. here's a better angle:
we brought in the love seat from josh's office and put it where the T.V. normally is, and then moved the T.V. over to block the hideous apartment blinds and the sliding door/balcony. josh likes the new arrangement quite a bit and wants to leave it this way. i'm not so sure. of course we can get a longer cable cord, but do i want to permanently block a sliding door/balcony? i don't know. we do have another balcony off the back through josh's office, but still. i like to open the door and let the light/fresh air in when i can. hmm... i think we're going to try it out for a few days.
well today i'm feeling completely exhausted. of course i had to work at 5 this morning, so i only got a few hours of sleep. i'm also feeling quite irritated: about the day after the super bowl not being a holiday, about people not tipping this morning, about the ridiculously thick layer of wall paint covering our entire apartment (it seriously makes the doors stick and our food stick to our cabinet shelves, about not losing as much weight as i wanted to this week... woe is me. i know i'm ridiculous. i need a nap.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
super bowl party menu
so here's the menu for tomorrow's super bowl...
veggies and hummus
briana's rice krispy treats
zack's wings & quacamole
black bean salsa (a classic from my mom)
chocolate cupcakes with chocolate glaze
taco dip
broccoli and cheddar potato skins
i hope everything turns out well! i've been doing weight watchers for a couple weeks now and i'm super excited about trying out these recipes, and not having to worry about figuring out points! i keep finding more and more recipes i want to try, but i'm already going to have to clean and make/finish a bunch of food in-between church and the party, so i'm forcing myself to stop. anyway, tonight i've made the salsa, the cupcakes (sans glaze - that will happen tomorrow), and this for snack at church tomorrow. i don't know what i was thinking signing up for snack the same day as the party, but oh well! i made this cinnamon roll cake before and everyone loved it, so i'm feeling pretty confident. last time i made it all sunday morning and this time i'm planning to warm it in the oven and then add the glaze in the morning. hopefully that works out well! anyway, hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend!
veggies and hummus
briana's rice krispy treats
zack's wings & quacamole
black bean salsa (a classic from my mom)
chocolate cupcakes with chocolate glaze
taco dip
broccoli and cheddar potato skins
i hope everything turns out well! i've been doing weight watchers for a couple weeks now and i'm super excited about trying out these recipes, and not having to worry about figuring out points! i keep finding more and more recipes i want to try, but i'm already going to have to clean and make/finish a bunch of food in-between church and the party, so i'm forcing myself to stop. anyway, tonight i've made the salsa, the cupcakes (sans glaze - that will happen tomorrow), and this for snack at church tomorrow. i don't know what i was thinking signing up for snack the same day as the party, but oh well! i made this cinnamon roll cake before and everyone loved it, so i'm feeling pretty confident. last time i made it all sunday morning and this time i'm planning to warm it in the oven and then add the glaze in the morning. hopefully that works out well! anyway, hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend!
Monday, January 30, 2012
bapron and the january blahs...
i'll start off this post with some pics of the baprons i made for connor's first birthday! (if you are wondering what the heck a baron is thing bib/apron.) i made him a quilt last year before he was born. you can check that out here. i can't believe it's been a year already! i'm sad i've missed so much of connor's first year, but i guess that's just part of moving. i will get to see him in a couple weeks when we go to ohio for our annual hocking hills trip! anyway, connor's mama mindy has a pinterest board titled "things i want tiffany to make me." perfect place to go to decide what to make for connor's first birthday! i thought the bapron looked do-able and adorable so i started there! i used this tutorial. i would definitely make these again for future baby friends, but i wouldn't make my own bias tape, that was a pain. (or maybe i would if i had a bias tape maker thing, instead of just me and my iron.) so here are a few pics! i just love the fabrics!
and here's the birthday boy modeling one! mindy said he kept pointing at it... not sure if that's a good thing? oh well!
anyway, i haven't been blogging much lately because i haven't felt like doing much in general. don't get me wrong, i've been busy, but i'm not feeling very passionate these days. job hunting is totally overwhelming. i'm working at starbucks a lot more, which, in a pathetic sort of way, really wears me out. i went from this really wonderful internship experience where i really felt like i was really having an impact on people, to making coffee. i don't feel like God is really using me when i'm just a barista. i know that's wrong. i know i'm called to do everything for God's glory. i know that i'm also called to be an art therapist and i do believe that will happen. i just need to be patient. i'm trying to be thankful for this "break" without getting comfortable here. anyway, some blog-worthy things are happening, so i'll try to post more soon, so the 2 of you who read this can keep up! :)
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
a new chapter...
things have been kinda tough lately. for one i've been sick, dealing with a sinus infection and blowing my nose constantly for well over a week. ugh. a lot of the things i was excited about accomplishing (like cleaning, organizing, and getting rid of stuff) haven't happened because i haven't felt like doing anything. i did manage to finally get the christmas decorations down on sunday. (yes, i did use the word "excited" because i didn't hardly have time to do any of that last year with my internship and my house needs it bad.) so that's been frustrating.
and now i'm finally done with my internship and the only thing i'm doing is getting more hours at starbucks. yippee. i don't have a grown-up job lined up. and i'm terrified about job hunting. i really don't know why. (i did apply to one place last night, but that's all the progress i've made so far - too busy blowing my nose.) i've been in school for 21 years. i did pretty great at my internship. i'm very professional. and yet i'm terrified. i think it's my old pal "perfectionism" trying to spoil my fun. i'm putting so much pressure on myself to find the job. but truth is, it is hard to get a job right now, especially in my field, especially when you don't have a counseling license. i don't want to settle, but i may need to be okay with the less than ideal job. i am only 26, right?
and along with the job stuff, i'm stressing about the timing of everything big time. to be frank, i have been married for 5 years and josh and i do talk about starting a family. of course that excites me, but i also want it to happen at just the right time. how will starting a career and starting a family work out? what if i don't get maternity leave? what if it takes me a while to find a job and then i start a family and get into a "new mom" rut and i don't put what i spent years (and lots of money) on to use? yada yada yada. too many thoughts!
in all honesty i know that God is in control. i know that his timing is perfect. i know he has the perfect job for me out there. i know that he has called me to be an art therapist and a mom. i know he has called me to trust him. but i'm finding it hard to take all this knowledge and let it change how i actually think and feel - feel patient and hopeful (and at peace where i'm at in this point of my life) instead of stressed and terrified. lord help me.
i will add that i have a wonderful husband who is extremely supportive of me. he wants me to find a job that i love and put my passion to work, but he is also not pressuring me in any way. he knows that job hunting takes time. i love him!
and now i'm finally done with my internship and the only thing i'm doing is getting more hours at starbucks. yippee. i don't have a grown-up job lined up. and i'm terrified about job hunting. i really don't know why. (i did apply to one place last night, but that's all the progress i've made so far - too busy blowing my nose.) i've been in school for 21 years. i did pretty great at my internship. i'm very professional. and yet i'm terrified. i think it's my old pal "perfectionism" trying to spoil my fun. i'm putting so much pressure on myself to find the job. but truth is, it is hard to get a job right now, especially in my field, especially when you don't have a counseling license. i don't want to settle, but i may need to be okay with the less than ideal job. i am only 26, right?
and along with the job stuff, i'm stressing about the timing of everything big time. to be frank, i have been married for 5 years and josh and i do talk about starting a family. of course that excites me, but i also want it to happen at just the right time. how will starting a career and starting a family work out? what if i don't get maternity leave? what if it takes me a while to find a job and then i start a family and get into a "new mom" rut and i don't put what i spent years (and lots of money) on to use? yada yada yada. too many thoughts!
in all honesty i know that God is in control. i know that his timing is perfect. i know he has the perfect job for me out there. i know that he has called me to be an art therapist and a mom. i know he has called me to trust him. but i'm finding it hard to take all this knowledge and let it change how i actually think and feel - feel patient and hopeful (and at peace where i'm at in this point of my life) instead of stressed and terrified. lord help me.
i will add that i have a wonderful husband who is extremely supportive of me. he wants me to find a job that i love and put my passion to work, but he is also not pressuring me in any way. he knows that job hunting takes time. i love him!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)