bapron and the january blahs...

i'll start off this post with some pics of the baprons i made for connor's first birthday! (if you are wondering what the heck a baron is thing bib/apron.) i made him a quilt last year before he was born. you can check that out here. i can't believe it's been a year already! i'm sad i've missed so much of connor's first year, but i guess that's just part of moving. i will get to see him in a couple weeks when we go to ohio for our annual hocking hills trip! anyway, connor's mama mindy has a pinterest board titled "things i want tiffany to make me." perfect place to go to decide what to make for connor's first birthday! i thought the bapron looked do-able and adorable so i started there! i used this tutorial. i would definitely make these again for future baby friends, but i wouldn't make my own bias tape, that was a pain. (or maybe i would if i had a bias tape maker thing, instead of just me and my iron.) so here are a few pics! i just love the fabrics!

 and here's the birthday boy modeling one! mindy said he kept pointing at it... not sure if that's a good thing? oh well!  

anyway, i haven't been blogging much lately because i haven't felt like doing much in general. don't get me wrong, i've been busy, but i'm not feeling very passionate these days. job hunting is totally overwhelming. i'm working at starbucks a lot more, which, in a pathetic sort of way, really wears me out. i went from this really wonderful internship experience where i really felt like i was really having an impact on people, to making coffee. i don't feel like God is really using me when i'm just a barista. i know that's wrong. i know i'm called to do everything for God's glory. i know that i'm also called to be an art therapist and i do believe that will happen. i just need to be patient. i'm trying to be thankful for this "break" without getting comfortable here. anyway, some blog-worthy things are happening, so i'll try to post more soon, so the 2 of you who read this can keep up! :) 

a new chapter...

things have been kinda tough lately. for one i've been sick, dealing with a sinus infection and blowing my nose constantly for well over a week. ugh. a lot of the things i was excited about accomplishing (like cleaning, organizing, and getting rid of stuff) haven't happened because i haven't felt like doing anything. i did manage to finally get the christmas decorations down on sunday. (yes, i did use the word "excited" because i didn't hardly have time to do any of that last year with my internship and my house needs it bad.) so that's been frustrating.

and now i'm finally done with my internship and the only thing i'm doing is getting more hours at starbucks. yippee. i don't have a grown-up job lined up. and i'm terrified about job hunting. i really don't know why. (i did apply to one place last night, but that's all the progress i've made so far - too busy blowing my nose.) i've been in school for 21 years. i did pretty great at my internship. i'm very professional. and yet i'm terrified. i think it's my old pal "perfectionism" trying to spoil my fun. i'm putting so much pressure on myself to find the job. but truth is, it is hard to get a job right now, especially in my field, especially when you don't have a counseling license. i don't want to settle, but i may need to be okay with the less than ideal job. i am only 26, right?

and along with the job stuff, i'm stressing about the timing of everything big time. to be frank, i have been married for 5 years and josh and i do talk about starting a family. of course that excites me, but i also want it to happen at just the right time. how will starting a career and starting a family work out? what if i don't get maternity leave? what if it takes me a while to find a job and then i start a family and get into a "new mom" rut and i don't put what i spent years (and lots of money) on to use? yada yada yada. too many thoughts!

in all honesty i know that God is in control. i know that his timing is perfect. i know he has the perfect job for me out there. i know that he has called me to be an art therapist and a mom. i know he has called me to trust him. but i'm finding it hard to take all this knowledge and let it change how i actually think and feel - feel patient and hopeful (and at peace where i'm at in this point of my life) instead of stressed and terrified. lord help me.

i will add that i have a wonderful husband who is extremely supportive of me. he wants me to find a job that i love and put my passion to work, but he is also not pressuring me in any way. he knows that job hunting takes time. i love him!

a great article

here's a great article about marriage by one of my favorite preachers! you can find podcasts of his sermons on itunes.

i especially love the last part. i know i need to work on balancing (or exemplifying?) both love and truth.

mural projects

since i posted next to nothing about my internship, i thought i'd share a little project that came together at the end of my time at Barium. it's a mural that i did, with the help of my supervisor and kids that live in the group homes at Barium. we decided to add a spring tree and a fall tree to the hallways at the counseling center. the leaves are all handprints! the hallway was terribly drab before, so it was nice to leave something bright and cheery behind! the kids LOVED stamping their hands!

i also helped the teens that live in the substance abuse home do a smaller mural in the conference room. this was previously a big piece of plywood already framed out, just waiting for some artistic love! the kids came up with the ideas and executed it from A to Z! they decided on a group home and a sun rising representing hope. the teen who did the cross lost his mom to drugs. he draws the cross all the time as a symbol for her. 

i'm super proud! and i miss those kids! 

sweet goodbyes

well, today has been hard and good. there were no forced goodbyes last night, but we were able to spend some nice time together walking and taking pictures at 2 Rivers park/bridge in Little Rock. we all managed to hold ourselves together relatively well at the airport. several days ago i decided to buy a card and write in it instead of sobbing and blubbering my way through what i wanted to say. i think that was a good decision. several others decided to do the same, and krystal had cards for each of us so we all had the same idea, i guess. i hope she liked her card. the goodbyes weren't perfect. maybe there was more airport stuff than what my sister wanted. but they were good. nothing is perfect when you have imperfect people who really love each other trying to handle really intense emotions the best they can. i hope krystal and brad look back on those airport hugs and tears with joy. we all love them so much.

we love you krystal and brad! you can follow them here!