Wednesday, February 8, 2012

keeping it real

i'm feeling inspired to keep things real around here, because i hate when everything gets sugar-coated and pleasantries are exchanged and the real meat of life is ignored. this is my blog and this i how i feel. rational or not. i feel like things are difficult lately. i'm feeling like i'm going through a hard time. i'm frustrated. so here i go:

-my church is ending. the church where we found community in greensboro will have its last service on sunday. i know it's for the best. i know it needs to happen. i know god is growing and changing our community through this. but it's hard. i don't like change.

-i miss my sister like crazy. she is far away and i (selfishly) don't like it. i want her here. i want to be able to call her and talk to her. skype is good but still different. and with a big time change it's very hard.

-i want to be planning a trip to europe right now to go see krystal and brad. like really bad. but this seems impossible right now because of finances. not that going to europe when it's not financially smart is a good thing, but i almost feel like if we don't go now we never will, or it will be much, much harder.

-i want to be buying a house too. or at least just getting out of our apartment. i'm tired of it. i'm tired of always hearing footsteps above my head and hearing a drinking/smoking fest right outside my window when i'm trying to go to sleep. but again... money.

-i'm tired of working at starbucks. i want a therapy job but i don't have a license. i'm frustrated and i've hardly looked because i'm so overwhelmed and (probably prematurely) discouraged. a job i really wanted and applied for never called me. i feel perfect for it. i also feel guilty complaining about not having a job when i'm not doing much to change my circumstances. i find starbucks to be exhausting and i feel like i'm never caught up on sleep. so in the afternoons i want to nap and watch HGTV. and then i feel lame and beat myself up for it.

on the bright side my pants are loose and i'm taking better care of myself. josh and i are going to mexico in just over a month (more about that in another post). i know god is teaching me and working in me during this time. i think part of my complaints are directly related to the fact that i'm feeling impatient. god has everything i'm stressed about figured out, and it's going to happen in HIS timing, not mine.

this is random, but friday i spent over $700 getting an oil change and new tires for my never-ending-money-pit-of-a-car. i was irritated, it's one thing after another. but the car is paid off and the mileage is high so we are stuck with it for now. but anyway, josh's uber-generous grandma had given us $500 for christmas, which we did plan to use for tires. and then yesterday i got a $200 reimbursement check in the mail for art supplies i had purchased during my internship, which i had completely forgotten about. i love it that god is in all things.

1 comment:

  1. I am sorry that you are so frustrated. God is in control and his timing is always perfect just like the check in the mail. Know that I am praying for you as you change churches and look for a job. Prayers for you dear.

    ReplyDelete